'You're gorgeous', he said, 'oh baby..
...and I love the way you feel..
...but don't you think that maybe
you shouldn't have had that last meal?'
'I love your long blonde hair'
he said, 'Now, angel, don't be upset,'
'but I'm sure that you'd look far better
if you went back to being brunette.'
But I kept my hair, my looks, my weight
Discarded his views, his thoughts...
The Date
©cih16, 14:01, 11/12/16
starcline - less a blog, more a derailed train of thought
About Me
- clinestar
- Part time poet, full time librarian, student of the delights of milk chocolate. Likes books, milk, paddling, poetry, scribbling, chocolate, notebooks, sea, piers. Not necessarily in that order. All work copyright cih.
Kintsugi*
You kept telling me I was broken
But it was your hands dropping me
Your eyes watching me
Crash
Smash
In pieces again
No longer a problem
He takes care
To repair
To restore
All those breaks
You caused
Before
©cih16, 22:37, 8/12/16
*(The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery using precious metals)
But it was your hands dropping me
Your eyes watching me
Crash
Smash
In pieces again
No longer a problem
He takes care
To repair
To restore
All those breaks
You caused
Before
©cih16, 22:37, 8/12/16
*(The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery using precious metals)
Goodbye to T S Eliot
..and this is the way that a friendship ends
Not with a bang, a whimper, a gasp
a gap
because the s is in the growing silence
©cih16, 15:07, 05.12.16
Not with a bang, a whimper, a gasp
a gap
because the s is in the growing silence
©cih16, 15:07, 05.12.16
Mnemosyne
While it was helpful for a while
To use you as a muse
and mould you into shapes
that really didn't suit
I find I no longer need
yourself to stir my brain
My imagination now works
Under its own auspices again
©cih16, 23:06, 30.11.16
To use you as a muse
and mould you into shapes
that really didn't suit
I find I no longer need
yourself to stir my brain
My imagination now works
Under its own auspices again
©cih16, 23:06, 30.11.16
With a nod to Carly Simon
You probably think
My writing's about you
But mostly
It's about me
©cih16, 20:55, 30.11.16
My writing's about you
But mostly
It's about me
©cih16, 20:55, 30.11.16
Shining
Anointed like some kind of sacrifice
Skin gleaming with unguents, oiled
Not an offering to an unrecognised deity
But an attempt to ward off a cold
©cih16, 22:00, 29.11.16
Skin gleaming with unguents, oiled
Not an offering to an unrecognised deity
But an attempt to ward off a cold
©cih16, 22:00, 29.11.16
Neighbours
I listen as you sniff and cough,
shouting on your phone,
Stamping around the flat
I google 'How to hide a body'
and 'Is prison as bad as all that'
©cih16, 29.11.16
shouting on your phone,
Stamping around the flat
I google 'How to hide a body'
and 'Is prison as bad as all that'
©cih16, 29.11.16
Saturday night on a dating app
The chat up lines get cornier
as men get drunker and hornier
©cih16, 22:35, 28.11.16
as men get drunker and hornier
©cih16, 22:35, 28.11.16
Edges
I don't think I knew I was an outsider
Didn't recognise I didn't belong
But as I spend time with you all
I can see I don't fit
in your lives
Apart
A partial person
A hole
Not a whole
©cih16, 15:24, 28.11.16
Didn't recognise I didn't belong
But as I spend time with you all
I can see I don't fit
in your lives
Apart
A partial person
A hole
Not a whole
©cih16, 15:24, 28.11.16
No claims bonus
I sit, alone, and listen
Unable to take part
As you discuss
the trials and tribulations
Pleasures and frustrations
Values of family life
I sit, alone, and listen
Enjoying reminiscences
Fleeting memories
Embarrassed winces
But I have nothing I can offer
No husband
No significant other
No claims on my life, my heart
©cih16, 23:19, 27.11.16
Unable to take part
As you discuss
the trials and tribulations
Pleasures and frustrations
Values of family life
I sit, alone, and listen
Enjoying reminiscences
Fleeting memories
Embarrassed winces
But I have nothing I can offer
No husband
No significant other
No claims on my life, my heart
©cih16, 23:19, 27.11.16
Image-ination
So I'd like to look feminine
Without all the effort
That the girls make on Instagram
With the contouring
and emphasising
I just want to be me
and for that to be enough
For someone to see me
- a woman
and love
©cih16, 09:01, 27.11.16
Without all the effort
That the girls make on Instagram
With the contouring
and emphasising
I just want to be me
and for that to be enough
For someone to see me
- a woman
and love
©cih16, 09:01, 27.11.16
Paint
Make up creating
Replacing
What Mother Nature missed
Mascara
Enhancing
Entrancing
Lipstick
encircled kiss
Inviting
Exciting
Cosmic
Cosmetic
Miss
©cih16, 23:47, 25.11.16
Replacing
What Mother Nature missed
Mascara
Enhancing
Entrancing
Lipstick
encircled kiss
Inviting
Exciting
Cosmic
Cosmetic
Miss
©cih16, 23:47, 25.11.16
Reunion
Anticipation
Bags all packed
Ready for the off
A time of relaxation
To wind down
Recharge batteries...
Sneeze?
Cough?
©cih16, 22:00, 24.11.16
Bags all packed
Ready for the off
A time of relaxation
To wind down
Recharge batteries...
Sneeze?
Cough?
©cih16, 22:00, 24.11.16
Christmas is coming
The official start of Christmas
Is the ringing of chiming tills
In shops open from September
until Midnight Christmas eve
Banners tell you to give, give, give
(In the Sales you shall receive)
©cih16, 22:14, 23.11.16
Is the ringing of chiming tills
In shops open from September
until Midnight Christmas eve
Banners tell you to give, give, give
(In the Sales you shall receive)
©cih16, 22:14, 23.11.16
Punch
A boy
Not the bogeyman
A hand
Not a weapon
Yet fist
Meets skull
Body crumples
Lives change
©cih16, 8:46, 22.11.16
(after watching segment on BBC Breakfast on Restorative Justice)
Not the bogeyman
A hand
Not a weapon
Yet fist
Meets skull
Body crumples
Lives change
©cih16, 8:46, 22.11.16
(after watching segment on BBC Breakfast on Restorative Justice)
Seasonal signs
Winter
Rasp
Blade cuts
Ice skater demonstrates skills
Wheeze
Cough
Winter cold
Numbed by handful of pills
©cih16, 22:33, 21.11.16
Rasp
Blade cuts
Ice skater demonstrates skills
Wheeze
Cough
Winter cold
Numbed by handful of pills
©cih16, 22:33, 21.11.16
Advice
Anxiety crippling me, taking over
So go on, tell me I'm stupid
I always find that that helps
©cih16, 12:47, 20.11.16
So go on, tell me I'm stupid
I always find that that helps
©cih16, 12:47, 20.11.16
Imaginary friends
Mourning the end of a relationship
That didn't exist
From the moment that our eyes didn't meet
To that final gutpunch last kiss
©cih16, 12:30, 20.11.16
That didn't exist
From the moment that our eyes didn't meet
To that final gutpunch last kiss
©cih16, 12:30, 20.11.16
Don't back down
Never apologise
Never admit
That you
Can do
Anything hurtful
When she attacks
With words
Don't you realise
Your silence
Is what scares her
Scars her?
©cih16, 10:50, 20.11.16
Never admit
That you
Can do
Anything hurtful
When she attacks
With words
Don't you realise
Your silence
Is what scares her
Scars her?
©cih16, 10:50, 20.11.16
Gambling
Weather forecaster telsl of a small risk of showers
Looking outside
I see that all bets are off
©cih16, 8:50, 19.11.16
Looking outside
I see that all bets are off
©cih16, 8:50, 19.11.16
An (in)significant other
Through the chaos occurring daily
I wait to see
If you remember me
©cih16, 22:00, 17.11.16
Hunting
You give vague, absent minded affection
Less attention than you'd give to a pet
I want someone who loves me, wants me
But I haven't found him yet
©cih16, 11:12, 17.11.16
Less attention than you'd give to a pet
I want someone who loves me, wants me
But I haven't found him yet
©cih16, 11:12, 17.11.16
Other People's Thoughts
I've never known you to be consciously cruel
But sitting there listening
To that boy explaining
His selection of girls -
His rejection of girls
On the basis of photos
'Too flattering an angle'
(Translation - must be fat)
'Out with friends group shot'
(Translation - must be ugly)
I could only think
I'd rather be with you
©cih16, 22:22, 16.11.16
But sitting there listening
To that boy explaining
His selection of girls -
His rejection of girls
On the basis of photos
'Too flattering an angle'
(Translation - must be fat)
'Out with friends group shot'
(Translation - must be ugly)
I could only think
I'd rather be with you
©cih16, 22:22, 16.11.16
On the tube
Who thought it a good idea
To have a poster of a child with cancer
Next to a poster for a hair loss clinic
©cih16, 17:30, 16.11.16
To have a poster of a child with cancer
Next to a poster for a hair loss clinic
©cih16, 17:30, 16.11.16
The Match
Words fall like blows
Smash through the air
What once was a marriage
Now bloodied and raw
The once happy couple
No longer in love
Both hurting each other
Iron fist
Boxing glove
©cih16, 23:00, 15.11.16
Smash through the air
What once was a marriage
Now bloodied and raw
The once happy couple
No longer in love
Both hurting each other
Iron fist
Boxing glove
©cih16, 23:00, 15.11.16
Postman's Park, London
In the crowded moments
A place
Space
Time for your thoughts
Confused and sad
Time to read
Names and deeds
Time to reflect that
People aren't all bad
©cih16, 22:53, 14.11.16
http://www.postmanspark.org.uk/
A place
Space
Time for your thoughts
Confused and sad
Time to read
Names and deeds
Time to reflect that
People aren't all bad
©cih16, 22:53, 14.11.16
http://www.postmanspark.org.uk/
At the War Memorial
Carved in unyielding stone
The names
Families, friends
England remembers its dead
Carved in living flesh
The scars
Mental, physical
England forgets its living
©cih16, 13.11.16
The names
Families, friends
England remembers its dead
Carved in living flesh
The scars
Mental, physical
England forgets its living
©cih16, 13.11.16
Crushed
Looking from the train
Paused at the station
I spy you
Sitting alone
Head bowed
Hands in lap
A moment of prayer?
Then
I see the phone
and your busy, busy fingers
The sudden grin
The game is won
©cih16, 11:03, 12.11.16
Paused at the station
I spy you
Sitting alone
Head bowed
Hands in lap
A moment of prayer?
Then
I see the phone
and your busy, busy fingers
The sudden grin
The game is won
©cih16, 11:03, 12.11.16
Remember
Those young soldiers
They gave their lives for you
Their health and youth and dreams
Hopes and loves and schemes
Poured into a muddy, bloody hole
©cih16, 23:33, 11.11.16
They gave their lives for you
Their health and youth and dreams
Hopes and loves and schemes
Poured into a muddy, bloody hole
©cih16, 23:33, 11.11.16
Hibernation
Not minus figures outside yet
Still I clutch my duvet close
My flat's turned into the freezer
But my bed's as warm as toast
©cih16, 22:37, 10.11.16
Still I clutch my duvet close
My flat's turned into the freezer
But my bed's as warm as toast
©cih16, 22:37, 10.11.16
US Election
We watch
We wait
Count votes
Hesitate
With a phone call
One party
Concedes all
And a caricature
Takes power
©cih16, 9:27, 09.11.16
We wait
Count votes
Hesitate
With a phone call
One party
Concedes all
And a caricature
Takes power
©cih16, 9:27, 09.11.16
Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry*
Trying to sleep
after an argument
Easier said than done
When my mind revolves
around what I should have said
and the hundreds of things you've done wrong...
*(Ephesians 4:26)
©cih16, 22:22, 08.11.16
after an argument
Easier said than done
When my mind revolves
around what I should have said
and the hundreds of things you've done wrong...
*(Ephesians 4:26)
©cih16, 22:22, 08.11.16
Watching television
Awake again
I start to deny
That my eyes were shut
And I'd begun to doze
But as I look across
At the other settee
You sit there
Dog in lap
Both asleep
Just like me
©cih16, 22:45, 07.11.16
I start to deny
That my eyes were shut
And I'd begun to doze
But as I look across
At the other settee
You sit there
Dog in lap
Both asleep
Just like me
©cih16, 22:45, 07.11.16
Oblivious
The fact that you never noticed I cared
Was my problem to solve
Not your burden to share
©cih16, 06.11.16
Was my problem to solve
Not your burden to share
©cih16, 06.11.16
Insomnia
Have you ever said something you wish that you hadn't
Told a secret that was not yours to keep
Opened Pandora's box
Which should have stayed locked
Those thoughts that won't let you sleep
©cih16, 05.11.16
Told a secret that was not yours to keep
Opened Pandora's box
Which should have stayed locked
Those thoughts that won't let you sleep
©cih16, 05.11.16
Healing process
You carved our initials
Inside a heart
The tree lived
Our love didn't
We were equally scarred
The tree
and me
©cih16, 12:37, 05.11.16
Inside a heart
The tree lived
Our love didn't
We were equally scarred
The tree
and me
©cih16, 12:37, 05.11.16
Afterthought
I'm not saying that
I want to be
The first
In your life
above everybody
I'm too old for such dreams
Been stamped on by reality
But it would be nice
if you thought of me
Sometimes
Maybe
©cih16, 09:55, 04.11.16
I want to be
The first
In your life
above everybody
I'm too old for such dreams
Been stamped on by reality
But it would be nice
if you thought of me
Sometimes
Maybe
©cih16, 09:55, 04.11.16
Sycamore
It's worth knowing
When the wind is wild
and tears at the tree
Bending a bough
or breaking a branch
That the same breeze
Will spread the seeds
and make the helicopters dance
©cih16, 22:28, 03.11.16
When the wind is wild
and tears at the tree
Bending a bough
or breaking a branch
That the same breeze
Will spread the seeds
and make the helicopters dance
©cih16, 22:28, 03.11.16
Childhood games
And so I offered you the world
Full of mysteries, thoughts
The known and unknown
You looked at it,
said
"It's only a marble"
And into the gutter
We both were thrown
©cih16, 04:54, 02.11.16
Full of mysteries, thoughts
The known and unknown
You looked at it,
said
"It's only a marble"
And into the gutter
We both were thrown
©cih16, 04:54, 02.11.16
NaNoWriMo versus NaPoWriMo
Last November I took part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) but instead of writing a novel, I wrote a poem every day and posted them all on this blog. Hence NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month). This year I intend to do same.
As they (don't) say: "Remember, remember, the first of November..."
As they (don't) say: "Remember, remember, the first of November..."
"Nothing is terrible except fear itself"*
Muddled words
Jumbled thoughts
Clouded comments
Failed retorts
Overtiredness
or brain on strike
Something to frighten
or merely dislike?
©cih16, 22:19, 26/10/16
*(from Essays by Francis Bacon)
Jumbled thoughts
Clouded comments
Failed retorts
Overtiredness
or brain on strike
Something to frighten
or merely dislike?
©cih16, 22:19, 26/10/16
*(from Essays by Francis Bacon)
Gatekeeper
Be careful.
If you keep shutting me out
one day I will take a key
and lock the door
behind me
©cih16, 19:47, 11.10.16
If you keep shutting me out
one day I will take a key
and lock the door
behind me
©cih16, 19:47, 11.10.16
Uninvited guest
If you wanted me
I'd be there for you
Heart bare for you
I'd care for you
But I know you better
And I guard myself
Tightly reigning my smile
I'll linger, just a while
©cih16, 21:51, 10.10.16
I'd be there for you
Heart bare for you
I'd care for you
But I know you better
And I guard myself
Tightly reigning my smile
I'll linger, just a while
©cih16, 21:51, 10.10.16
Disguised as a person
I’m acting like a girl again
No
Actually that’s not true
I’m behaving like myself
Confused
Bemused
By you
©cih16, 27.09.16
No
Actually that’s not true
I’m behaving like myself
Confused
Bemused
By you
©cih16, 27.09.16
I be-lie-ve
When you make those traditional excuses
"It's not you, it's me"
"I still care about you"
You must remember which person
You told which lie to...
©cih16, 6:49am, 23.09.16
"It's not you, it's me"
"I still care about you"
You must remember which person
You told which lie to...
©cih16, 6:49am, 23.09.16
I thought that I'd be safe with you
We promised
We'd be honest
But one of us lied
...and, sweetie
It wasn't me
©cih16, 6:45am, 23.09.16
We'd be honest
But one of us lied
...and, sweetie
It wasn't me
©cih16, 6:45am, 23.09.16
Dignus es
"You get what you deserve in life"
I've heard it
said
and seen
on
memes
So I know
I'll be
alone
Deservedly
so
©cih16, 22.09.16
I've heard it
said
and seen
on
memes
So I know
I'll be
alone
Deservedly
so
©cih16, 22.09.16
Open Access Clinic
Coughs
Wheezes
Infections
Diseases
Diets
Prescriptions
Lifestyles
Restrictions
If you're healthy when they see you
You won't be when they leave you...
©cih16, 9:01, 22.09.16
Wheezes
Infections
Diseases
Diets
Prescriptions
Lifestyles
Restrictions
If you're healthy when they see you
You won't be when they leave you...
©cih16, 9:01, 22.09.16
Missing... you?
It's not you I crave, per se
Though it grieves me to admit it
It's just the feeling of being wanted -
That someone cared
Even if just for a minute
©cih16, 10:04, 21.09.16
Though it grieves me to admit it
It's just the feeling of being wanted -
That someone cared
Even if just for a minute
©cih16, 10:04, 21.09.16
Things that go bump in the night...
The subtle delights
of fleshly pleasures in the night
I awake the next day
To evidence of mosquitos at play
©cih16, 8:51, 21.09.16
of fleshly pleasures in the night
I awake the next day
To evidence of mosquitos at play
©cih16, 8:51, 21.09.16
Overanxious
The sky is blue
The weather - sunny
It's beautiful here
(and yet)
I worry
©cih16, 12:14, 20.09.16
The weather - sunny
It's beautiful here
(and yet)
I worry
©cih16, 12:14, 20.09.16
Patience
I try to be kind, understanding
Be a sympathetic friend
But your ever wilder mood swings
are driving me round the bend
©cih16, 7:32, 12.09.16
Be a sympathetic friend
But your ever wilder mood swings
are driving me round the bend
©cih16, 7:32, 12.09.16
Enrage
I'm angry with you
Raging
Rabid
Furious -
Curious
How my anger can be ignored
Abhorred
Exacerbated
I'm exasperated
©cih16, 12:14, 20.09.16
Raging
Rabid
Furious -
Curious
How my anger can be ignored
Abhorred
Exacerbated
I'm exasperated
©cih16, 12:14, 20.09.16
Divine being?
I have
Never been
Feminine
Small or
Dainty
but
Sometimes
with you
I feel like a
Goddess
and
Sometimes that’s
Enough
©cih16, 02.09.16, 15:00
Never been
Feminine
Small or
Dainty
but
Sometimes
with you
I feel like a
Goddess
and
Sometimes that’s
Enough
©cih16, 02.09.16, 15:00
Geometrical goodbye
Sans ruler, compass or protractor
Yet in a method quite protracted
You ruled yourself out of my life
©cih16, 08.08.16
Yet in a method quite protracted
You ruled yourself out of my life
©cih16, 08.08.16
Nothing particularly
I’m quiet
You tell me I’m sulking
I’m self-conscious
Feel fat
Acne-smeared
Old
You say I should accept compliments
I’m tired
You ask me what’s wrong
Nothing
Particularly
But
Sometimes it is difficult to live in my mind
And to be inside my skin
©cih16, 26.07.16
You tell me I’m sulking
I’m self-conscious
Feel fat
Acne-smeared
Old
You say I should accept compliments
I’m tired
You ask me what’s wrong
Nothing
Particularly
But
Sometimes it is difficult to live in my mind
And to be inside my skin
©cih16, 26.07.16
Summer cold
My
Staccato
Bursts of coughing
Pierce the night
Wheezing
Woozy
Giving up on sleep
I
and my cold
Wait for daylight
©cih16, 21:42, 25.07.16
Staccato
Bursts of coughing
Pierce the night
Wheezing
Woozy
Giving up on sleep
I
and my cold
Wait for daylight
©cih16, 21:42, 25.07.16
Sometimes the obvious answer is the right one
Sometimes a pencil is just a pencil
And sometimes it's a wooden spear with lead tipped spike waiting to stab...
And sometimes a pencil is just a pencil
©cih16, 25.07.16
And sometimes it's a wooden spear with lead tipped spike waiting to stab...
And sometimes a pencil is just a pencil
©cih16, 25.07.16
Relationship Surgery
So I cut myself out
With the tiniest of scissors
Each snip and slice -
Concentrated,
Precise.
and you didn't notice
As I snipped away.
Too busy juggling your life
I removed myself,
Slipped away
©cih16, 09.07.16
With the tiniest of scissors
Each snip and slice -
Concentrated,
Precise.
and you didn't notice
As I snipped away.
Too busy juggling your life
I removed myself,
Slipped away
©cih16, 09.07.16
French fields, July 2016
The whistle sounds
A referee's summons
The end of the game
Time to go home
Khaki-clad
The boys glance round
No football here
Just weapons
Just fear
©cih16, 05.07.16
(In response to the 100th anniversary of the Somme)
A referee's summons
The end of the game
Time to go home
Khaki-clad
The boys glance round
No football here
Just weapons
Just fear
©cih16, 05.07.16
(In response to the 100th anniversary of the Somme)
Stray
There is a lot to be said
for your absent minded affection
When I feel unloved,
uncared for:
Waiting for your rejection
©cih16, 29.05.16
for your absent minded affection
When I feel unloved,
uncared for:
Waiting for your rejection
©cih16, 29.05.16
Let Sleeping Bodies Lie
You turn from me as if I've said something wrong
Your back, rigid in sleep
Unable to communicate
Private dreams in your head
I'm left alone
Overthinking
Silent
Stranded
in the vast emptiness of a shared bed
©cih16, 23:26, 26.05.16
Your back, rigid in sleep
Unable to communicate
Private dreams in your head
I'm left alone
Overthinking
Silent
Stranded
in the vast emptiness of a shared bed
©cih16, 23:26, 26.05.16
Staged in miniature
In the doll's house
Compartmentalised
You segment our lives
French farce like
I'd sympathise
But I'm caught in
Plot twists, half truths
and little white lies
©cih16, 22:12, 25.05.16
Compartmentalised
You segment our lives
French farce like
I'd sympathise
But I'm caught in
Plot twists, half truths
and little white lies
©cih16, 22:12, 25.05.16
With a nod to Shakespeare's wanton boys
Like a small boy you delight yourself
by removing my snail shell
not thinking that I might need it
©cih16, 08:56, 15.04.16
by removing my snail shell
not thinking that I might need it
©cih16, 08:56, 15.04.16
Upgrade 2.0
When you're feeling ugly and fat and alone
There's a place that would like you to call
It's brightly lit and inviting, with sweet perfumed air
It's the beauty counter of our shopping mall
Try to avoid the tango-faced white coated females
Their wares are not for girls like you
You don't want your foundation to be a revelation
In a scarily unnatural hue.
©cih16, April 2016
There's a place that would like you to call
It's brightly lit and inviting, with sweet perfumed air
It's the beauty counter of our shopping mall
Try to avoid the tango-faced white coated females
Their wares are not for girls like you
You don't want your foundation to be a revelation
In a scarily unnatural hue.
©cih16, April 2016
The morning after
Busy, so busy
Incredibly busy
Your explanations stack up like bricks in a wall
I watch, barricaded behind your justifications
Your excuses, vindications
They mean nothing at all
©cih16, 12:10, 18/03/16
Incredibly busy
Your explanations stack up like bricks in a wall
I watch, barricaded behind your justifications
Your excuses, vindications
They mean nothing at all
©cih16, 12:10, 18/03/16
Is anyone there?
I call
I need to talk to someone
I’m down
I’m lonely
You answer
You tell me all about your life
How busy you are
All your plans
Expectations
You ring off
Never wondering
Why I rang you
©cih16, 17/03/16
I need to talk to someone
I’m down
I’m lonely
You answer
You tell me all about your life
How busy you are
All your plans
Expectations
You ring off
Never wondering
Why I rang you
©cih16, 17/03/16
Escape
You rejoice in your new found freedom
Full of sunlight
Wild ideas
Fresh fancies
Sweet song
But the door of the birdcage is still there, ajar
Waiting for night to come
and you to creep home
©cih16, 07:15, 26.02.16
Full of sunlight
Wild ideas
Fresh fancies
Sweet song
But the door of the birdcage is still there, ajar
Waiting for night to come
and you to creep home
©cih16, 07:15, 26.02.16
Fortress
You lie to me
Unwitting, unthinking, unkind
Syllable by syllable
I build a wall
To protect myself
From words, wounds, slashing against my heart
©cih16, 16:31, 23.02.16
Unwitting, unthinking, unkind
Syllable by syllable
I build a wall
To protect myself
From words, wounds, slashing against my heart
©cih16, 16:31, 23.02.16
Bravado
Over a lifetime I've come to the conclusion
Through the years
of exclusion
Bullying by peers
That it's best to pretend
Not to show a reaction
To hide all emotion
And wipe away tears
©cih16, 07:03, 18/02/16
Through the years
of exclusion
Bullying by peers
That it's best to pretend
Not to show a reaction
To hide all emotion
And wipe away tears
©cih16, 07:03, 18/02/16
"I talk of dreams...begot of nothing but vain fantasy"*
Some days I dream that someone will love me
Disregard the sarcastic carapace
I hide inside
But then I catch a glimpse
of myself in a moonlit shop window
And the scared figure of my youth
Has turned crone-ish through fear and age
Occasional laughter and more frequent anxiety
Have drawn crowsfeet on my once smooth face
And I look at myself, thinking
What's not to love?
And am met by silence.
©cih16, 22:09, 11.02.16
*(Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Scene 4)
Disregard the sarcastic carapace
I hide inside
But then I catch a glimpse
of myself in a moonlit shop window
And the scared figure of my youth
Has turned crone-ish through fear and age
Occasional laughter and more frequent anxiety
Have drawn crowsfeet on my once smooth face
And I look at myself, thinking
What's not to love?
And am met by silence.
©cih16, 22:09, 11.02.16
*(Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Scene 4)
Be Mine
I'll say that I'm eternally yours
(as I scan through the contract for a get out clause)
©cih16, 17:37, 10.02.16
(Inspired by Dorothy Parker's Unfortunate Coincidence)
(as I scan through the contract for a get out clause)
©cih16, 17:37, 10.02.16
(Inspired by Dorothy Parker's Unfortunate Coincidence)
The Confiteor
I see the logic in confessional booths
Being not face to face
and expressing your thoughts
with suitable lack of eye contact
Due to my lack of Catholicism
I find car journeys provide a similar service
©cih16, 22:26, 02.02.16
Being not face to face
and expressing your thoughts
with suitable lack of eye contact
Due to my lack of Catholicism
I find car journeys provide a similar service
©cih16, 22:26, 02.02.16
Mutually Incompatible
A war of church and commerce
Will soon be underway
As Lent abstinence begins
Before chocolate-fuelled Valentine's Day
©cih16, 21:46, 02.02.16
Will soon be underway
As Lent abstinence begins
Before chocolate-fuelled Valentine's Day
©cih16, 21:46, 02.02.16
Façade
So sell them a lifestyle
Cast your glitter
Amaze them
Make them believe everything you show them is real
Astonish them
Make them covet
Dumbfound them
(Hide your demons and don’t show how you feel)
©cih16, 11:06, 02.02.16
Cast your glitter
Amaze them
Make them believe everything you show them is real
Astonish them
Make them covet
Dumbfound them
(Hide your demons and don’t show how you feel)
©cih16, 11:06, 02.02.16
Handle with care
You tore at my little onion heart
Each word of yours
ripping another tissue thin layer away
and
Suddenly
there was nothing left
Just a mangled mess
of what had been
a relationship
©cih16, 22:17, 26.01.16
Each word of yours
ripping another tissue thin layer away
and
Suddenly
there was nothing left
Just a mangled mess
of what had been
a relationship
©cih16, 22:17, 26.01.16
Talent Spotting
You display your diversity
Or am I just filling a quota
Do you ever really see me?
One of the minority
Or a figure, a gender, a colour
©cih16, 09:17, 23.01.16
Or am I just filling a quota
Do you ever really see me?
One of the minority
Or a figure, a gender, a colour
©cih16, 09:17, 23.01.16
Versus
I escape into sleep
When I'm tired
or feeling physically, emotionally hurt
Except that after having had epilepsy for half of my life
This escapism can be what makes it worse
I suffer from, I don't just have, nocturnal seizures
Although I have them rarely
When I do, bedlam comes in their wake
And my route to escape
My dreams, thoughts, and sleep
Make me vulnerable
and no longer safe.
©cih16
on the anniversary of my last Status Epilepticus hospitalisation, January 2016
When I'm tired
or feeling physically, emotionally hurt
Except that after having had epilepsy for half of my life
This escapism can be what makes it worse
I suffer from, I don't just have, nocturnal seizures
Although I have them rarely
When I do, bedlam comes in their wake
And my route to escape
My dreams, thoughts, and sleep
Make me vulnerable
and no longer safe.
©cih16
on the anniversary of my last Status Epilepticus hospitalisation, January 2016
Putting pen to paper
Struggling for words
Emotionally numb
Mind's gone blank
Ideas won't come
Who said
A crossword can be fun?
©cih16, 21:59, 10.01.16
Emotionally numb
Mind's gone blank
Ideas won't come
Who said
A crossword can be fun?
©cih16, 21:59, 10.01.16
Make up counter
"Beauty is the best gift"
the make up slogan yells
Health is the gift
that keeps on giving.
©cih16, 21:25, 09.01.16
the make up slogan yells
Health is the gift
that keeps on giving.
©cih16, 21:25, 09.01.16
"I heard the news today, oh boy..."*
I've reached that awkward age
Where half-remembered stars
From my childhood and youth
From old television shows
Keep being mentioned on the news
If you don't listen closely you'll miss
Whether it's an obituary or abuse
©cih16, 17:08, 09.01.16
*(line from A Day in the Life by the Beatles)
Where half-remembered stars
From my childhood and youth
From old television shows
Keep being mentioned on the news
If you don't listen closely you'll miss
Whether it's an obituary or abuse
©cih16, 17:08, 09.01.16
*(line from A Day in the Life by the Beatles)
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